I was inspired to write this post after going out to dinner to enjoy my favorite indulgent food that I haven’t had in over a year and a half… Sushi!
I say “indulgent” because I used to only eat Sushi on occasion as a special or “cheat” meal and when I did I would save all of my carbs for the day in anticipation for a little feast. I would also make sure to get in a really good workout beforehand knowing I would be consuming some extra calories.
Sushi to me was the ultimate treat and when I ate it I felt incredible satisfaction. Any one who has ever competed in a fitness competition or has dieted for any period of time may relate. It’s like the first bite of something sweet or a post-show treat meal where you literally close your eyes and feel a rush of satisfaction when you savor the incredible flavor of a food. When you diet intensely for so long and then eat something you’ve restricted, particularly carbs, sugar or high fat foods, the pleasure is like none other and I imagine it being like a drug addict getting their fix.
So, after going out for Sushi just recently, to my surprise, I did not enjoy it as much as I used to. I had cut out sushi when I got pregnant and it was a food I could not wait to get my hands on post partum. I ate it guilt-free, enjoyed as much as I wanted until I was full, ate carbs throughout the day beforehand and actually didn’t even workout. To me, it was just another food. I didn’t get a feeling of intense satisfaction like I once received from eating it and I actually said to my husband, “egh it wasn’t anything special”.
In that moment I realized just how far I have come.
It wasn’t anything special because I no longer diet.
I am mindful about making healthier choices, but eat a variety of foods and trust myself to indulge when I want to and move on. There are no rules and there is no guilt. If I want to eat ice cream, but didn’t workout that day, it’s okay.
It felt more satisfying realizing how much I have grown, overcoming my destructive behaviors, than from the actual Sushi. It felt SO amazing and so freeing!
This is what it feels like to be on the other side of binge eating, a place I never thought I’d be….
Me during the Binge-Restrict cycle:
- Obsessed, restricting, controlling, perfection, compulsion, anxiety, sadness, guilt, shame, depression, isolation, fear, worry, low energy, insomnia, migraines, adrenal fatigue, hormonal imbalance, infertility, hopelessness.
Me now, living Binge-Free:
- Happy, free, joyful, abundant, intuitive, worthy, healthy, energetic, motivated, creative, spiritually connected, blissful, vibrant, excited, peaceful and calm.
Although I have my moments of weakness at times where I have these little voices in my head creep in telling me to restrict a little or exercise more, I am at a much position to be able to dismiss these voices and continue living from an intuitive place.
It feels really damn good.