I have suffered from Anxiety for most of my life and Depression in most recent years, as I struggled with control, engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors, and dug myself deeper and deeper into a dark hole of isolation, sadness, and hopelessness. There were mornings I didn’t want to get out of bed and many nights I cried myself to sleep. I tried to “fix” myself by controlling my body, being rigid with diet and exercise, and sought help from multiple therapists and programs.
But in time, I learned that although seeking help is extremely important for many people, what I needed to do was connect with myself on a deeper level.
The “Ah-Ha” moment for me, was learning from a Reproductive Endocrinologist (Fertility Doctor) that I wouldn’t be able to have a baby in the current state of my body. My hormones were imbalanced, I wasn’t ovulating, and I hadn’t gotten a period in 3 years. Control was harming my body which fueled my anxiety and deepened my depression.
My infertility journey pushed me to slow down and replace intense exercise with Yoga. During Shavasana, the meditative portion at the end of class, I learned how to breathe deeply and listen to my soul and body’s intuitive cues. At first, it was hard to settle my thoughts, but the more I practiced, the easier it was to fall into a deeper state. Each time, I began to feel an intense rush of emotion, tears pouring onto my mat, releasing all of the built up tension, anxiety and sadness. When I left class, I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace and gratitude. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, allowing me to feel light, free and more open.
I received so much clarity. In order to dig myself out of the hole I was in, I had to stop isolating, feeling sorry for myself and living in a state of sadness. I needed to open myself up to receive, trusting that the Universe was there to guide me. Meditate, breath, pray and connect with Source. In addition to my Yoga practice, I began saying Mantras out loud in my car, like:
“I AM FREE”
“I AM ALIVE”
“I AM Open to Receive Miracles”
“I AM Worthy”
“I AM Abundant”
“I AM so Grateful for ALL the Amazing things in my life”
Verbalizing my desires was extremely powerful. I would drive in my car repeating them over and over again.
The more I connected with myself, connected to source, expressed gratitude and asked the Universe for signs to guide me, the happier I became. There was a huge shift in my vibration and how I was showing up in the world.
Many of us live our day-to-day lives in the same consistent routine, without awareness, without connection and without self-care. We numb with TV, stuff down emotions with food, escape our problems with alcohol or sex, self-sabotage and remain stuck with no real direction or motivation in our lives, leading to extra stress, anxiety, and depression.
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE to remain in a constant state of stress or begin opening yourself up to the beautiful abundance and possibilities the world has to offer. All it takes is waking up each day and CHOOSING to be grateful just for simply being ALIVE. Take action and start doing things that bring you more peace and joy. Slow down, listen, follow your intuitive cues, and trust that you are being supported.
When you open yourself up to receive, staying authentic to who you truly are, asking for more Love and Light, you will always be guided. The Universe has your back.
Keep your face always towards the sunshine. XO Stephanie